Over the years and especially the last 7 months I feel like I’ve been at rock bottom and come up for air several times… depression and anxiety changed me as a person into someone I’m not sure of.
I’ve tried a LOT of different pills and even herbal remedies. I take vitamins. I get counselling. I’m Someone still having bad days. I’ve lost my confidence. I’ve lost my friends. I don’t know how to make new ones.
My favourite place to be has become an empty beach with just the dogs to talk to. I don’t have friends to phone and talk to. I’ve taken up snail mail and crafting to keep myself busy and pass the time. To stay awake.
Tonight feels shitty… tonight is low… and there isn’t anyone. Even when I’m not crying, I often feel like I just exist. Where’s the happiness? I’m where I am because of me. My choices and mistakes. The good and bad decision making. Now I feel stuck. All I want to do is run away and start over. But instead I’ll go to bed. And hope to stop the tears before I fall asleep.
And tomorrow will be another day.