So despite a few negative moments and a few hundred self doubt moments, this week has on whole been one of my better weeks!
Technically this could be classed as day 8 of positivity- quite possibly the furthest I’ve got without crying!
I’ve managed to open up to someone new, I’ve opened up to some girls at work about my personal life, I’ve been at work 😂 two full long days as well! I’ve seen family & visited my best friend.
There have been moments of panic, self loathing & doubt. Negative thought processes, anxiety, lack of motivation in some areas & brief slips but that’s what it’s all been- shorter spells! Though I’ve still a to do list that isn’t any shorter!
I’ve used my kalms for work when I needed & thought about what my counsellor has been drilling into my head from week 3 ( spent the first two crying too much to talk!). I’ve made appointments to do things. Appointments I intend to keep. I’ve exercised- if walking along the beach counts 😂 I’ve also ate as close to normal this week as I have in a long time. Not quite at 3 meals a day but it’s better.
While I know there is always going to be a potential for me to slip or have bad days where the only thing I can do is move to the couch, I’m positive this is my path to recovery. I’m learning to trust. I’m learning to like me. To have confidence in me & my personality- though this is a sllllooooooowwwww process. Forward is still forward!
This week I’ve seriously been thinking about reducing my medication slightly. Though I’ll admit I’m also scared to. I’m on the highest dose & I’d like to step down just a bit to see if I can handle it. I won’t do it on my own though not without guidance from my counsellor & gp. I’m going to try & make an appointment to see my gp. It’s on my to do list! 😂😊
Depression & anxiety are such an intense & difficult struggle. The mental & physical impact is beyond what many people can imagine. It’s an uphill battle which I intend to keep climbing- the only hill I intend to climb for that matter!