‘Sigh’…. today’s been an odd day. Not the best start, followed up by counselling & then nightshift. Number one of three 😣
This morning my head felt pickled, my counsellor helped me to understand some of it.
I feel my recovery is baby steps but they are happening. I asked her when I’ll know if I trust myself or if I like myself, she replied when you stop asking if you do. I told her I worried I was giving some power away & whether it could potentially lead me back down to blackness. She said I’m half doing it but being able to recognise what it is I’m doing is a start. It’s an improvement.
I told her about feeling lost but ok. That I’m not sad. It made me cry, she explained it’s the emotions of not feeling so black & numb & accepting that the past is the past.
Today’s main theme was that I have to make sure I’m building a solid foundation for myself. That I’m building myself up correctly, trusting myself, building confidence, loving myself & being able to be completely open with others. So that if something happens to knock me, it won’t cause me to plummet back to darkness but instead will be a small step back that I can move forward from it.