Lost… empty?

img_1799.pngFeeling a little in limbo or meh today… actually the last few days… weeks? Have had a couple of off days where I’ve cried and where I’ve been irritable, where my mood has swung in every direction. Think the extra irritability was related to my nights. I struggle to switch back to daylight at the moment.

I also struggle to be on my own. To not be busy. It gives the thoughts time to play!

Either way I’m not sure if this ever so slight improvement for me is related to me now reaching the maximum dose of my venlafaxine or if it’s a little mirage. I don’t know.

I don’t feel happy but I don’t feel as sad either. I have no idea what I’m feeling. Numb? Nothing? Lost? Stuck?

I’ve lost myself that’s for sure.

I’ve lost the direction I’m meant to take.

I’ve lost the ability to have fun.

I’ve lost the ability to be me.

I know things are going to be tough at work in the next little while and whether that will affect me more negatively I don’t know. I know it’s going to be stressful and cause anxiety but hopefully it’s not going to affect my depression and push me down.

At least I’m keeping everything crossed it doesn’t.

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