All cried out

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Having cried for a large part of the evening I’m sitting here now feeling numb. Or maybe empty is a better word. I wanna know when the shit stops. When things finally start to get better.

Am I holding myself back and I don’t realise it?

Have the good times still to arrive?

I want to fast forward to when I feel happy or at least content with life. When little things don’t make me cry. When I don’t feel the pressure of needing to cry, to howl. To cry so hard I can’t breathe or see and Im curled up. When does that stop?

When do I stop letting people and events from making me sad?

When do I start to appreciate and love myself? Or just like myself?

When do I stop seeking approval from other people for who I am?

How do I stop doing all of that?

I don’t have a fucking clue but I’m so tired of it… so tired.

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